I'm under pressure at work. I'm under pressure with this house I'm trying to buy. I'm under pressure, and I still have no idea which path would lead me to success. As usual I recently started things that I didn't finish. I have a thousand ideas that I won't turn into anything real.
And what should I study? Should I keep learning mobile development? Should I sharpen my web development skills after work? Should I study mathematics? I'd like to study chemistry... but should I rather study a new language?
Three weeks ago I had enrolled in the highest level of some English evening course in my city. I attended two lessons. I attended the second one only to make sure this course was useless to me. I'm going to keep on studying on my own instead.
In place of the English course, I'm enrolling in an Italian course. Why? Because of "The Great Beauty". Because of the music of the words. Because it's easy to learn, and because I have the opportunity to practice this language with my own mother. I hesitated a lot, but today was my first lesson. I hesitated because I don't have time to do everything I want and need to. Is this the right choice? Is learning Italian going to help me succeed somehow? I was grappling with those questions when it occured to me that it could only be lost time if I stopped halfway through this year of course. But it's also true for most things I tackle. It's only lost time if I stop before getting anywhere. I don't need to become fluent in italian, but now that I started this, I should give it enough energy to reach "some" level. I should keep on attending the course until the end of the school year. I should pass all the examinations. Then I'll allow myself to stop this activity. But I must not give up in a couple of months, only being able to say "Hi I'm Yugo Amaryl, I was born on .... and I'm a programmer". That would be lost time.
In 5 months I'll be 28. In 2 years and 5 months, I'll be 30. I want to already be able to show some achievment at 30.
I feel lost, but I can already set a couple of goals for my 30th birthday. I want my house almost completely renovated and rented, I want the Cambridge English Proficiency certification on my resume, and I want a better job in some serious company.
In the weeks to come, I want to finish reading several books that I started weeks, or even months ago. I'd like to finish a book a week for the next four weeks. That seems like a reasonable objective, even though I'm only going to be able to seriously read during the weekends, after I cleaned the cages of the guinea pigs, cleaned my apartment, after I took care of some more legal issues related to my house, ...
My english is getting worse. I was stuck on a plateau for months, and now my skills are deteriorating. I clearly feel it as I'm writing thoses thoughts. And spending time on the italian lessons is not going to help breaking through plateaus in english.
I need to keep calm, breath, and keep on working. I'm the hero of the story.
It may just be an impression, but I think I'm getting some more attention from women those last few weeks.
I want a woman in my bed.
I'm surprised that I don't really miss Her anymore.
This relationship brought me a huge amount of good things, for what it lasted. Now is probably the moment to take a step in new direction.
I was 24 when I met her. Today I'm 27. My young cousins have kids already. C. is even pregnant of her second child, at my age.
30 years old is not too late to have the first one, but I shouldn't wait any longer. Beside, I'm not searching for the same kind of women anymore. The next one probably won't be as smart and educated as Her. But, with this woman, life will be possible. Simple as that. With her I won't fight three times a week, and I won't constantly be afraid that she mutilates herself. I want life to be possible with the next one. And I have the feeling it's going to develop very fast with the next one. Especially if my house is renovated. In spite of my psychological problems, I think I'm going to grow reasonably successful during the next 3 years. Slowly but steadily. And I'm going to meet this reasonable, nice, and livable woman, and she'll give me my first child, because I'll have created a situation in which she feels I'm reliable and she feels safe. One day, she will be pregnant, and we'll both be happy. I'll have a serious conversation with my father and...
Well, let's go to sleep.
And what should I study? Should I keep learning mobile development? Should I sharpen my web development skills after work? Should I study mathematics? I'd like to study chemistry... but should I rather study a new language?
Three weeks ago I had enrolled in the highest level of some English evening course in my city. I attended two lessons. I attended the second one only to make sure this course was useless to me. I'm going to keep on studying on my own instead.
In place of the English course, I'm enrolling in an Italian course. Why? Because of "The Great Beauty". Because of the music of the words. Because it's easy to learn, and because I have the opportunity to practice this language with my own mother. I hesitated a lot, but today was my first lesson. I hesitated because I don't have time to do everything I want and need to. Is this the right choice? Is learning Italian going to help me succeed somehow? I was grappling with those questions when it occured to me that it could only be lost time if I stopped halfway through this year of course. But it's also true for most things I tackle. It's only lost time if I stop before getting anywhere. I don't need to become fluent in italian, but now that I started this, I should give it enough energy to reach "some" level. I should keep on attending the course until the end of the school year. I should pass all the examinations. Then I'll allow myself to stop this activity. But I must not give up in a couple of months, only being able to say "Hi I'm Yugo Amaryl, I was born on .... and I'm a programmer". That would be lost time.
In 5 months I'll be 28. In 2 years and 5 months, I'll be 30. I want to already be able to show some achievment at 30.
I feel lost, but I can already set a couple of goals for my 30th birthday. I want my house almost completely renovated and rented, I want the Cambridge English Proficiency certification on my resume, and I want a better job in some serious company.
In the weeks to come, I want to finish reading several books that I started weeks, or even months ago. I'd like to finish a book a week for the next four weeks. That seems like a reasonable objective, even though I'm only going to be able to seriously read during the weekends, after I cleaned the cages of the guinea pigs, cleaned my apartment, after I took care of some more legal issues related to my house, ...
My english is getting worse. I was stuck on a plateau for months, and now my skills are deteriorating. I clearly feel it as I'm writing thoses thoughts. And spending time on the italian lessons is not going to help breaking through plateaus in english.
I need to keep calm, breath, and keep on working. I'm the hero of the story.
It may just be an impression, but I think I'm getting some more attention from women those last few weeks.
I want a woman in my bed.
I'm surprised that I don't really miss Her anymore.
This relationship brought me a huge amount of good things, for what it lasted. Now is probably the moment to take a step in new direction.
I was 24 when I met her. Today I'm 27. My young cousins have kids already. C. is even pregnant of her second child, at my age.
30 years old is not too late to have the first one, but I shouldn't wait any longer. Beside, I'm not searching for the same kind of women anymore. The next one probably won't be as smart and educated as Her. But, with this woman, life will be possible. Simple as that. With her I won't fight three times a week, and I won't constantly be afraid that she mutilates herself. I want life to be possible with the next one. And I have the feeling it's going to develop very fast with the next one. Especially if my house is renovated. In spite of my psychological problems, I think I'm going to grow reasonably successful during the next 3 years. Slowly but steadily. And I'm going to meet this reasonable, nice, and livable woman, and she'll give me my first child, because I'll have created a situation in which she feels I'm reliable and she feels safe. One day, she will be pregnant, and we'll both be happy. I'll have a serious conversation with my father and...
Well, let's go to sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment