"Whoops, that was weird. I don't know why I did that."

Silicon Valley, season 1, episode 2.

Quote 1:

- Did you just take a sip from an empty cup?

- Yes.

- Why did you do that? 

- Just something to do. 

 Quote 2:

Whoops, that was weird.
I don't know why I did that.

Quote 3:

- Um, but first, if you don't mind, I'd like to use the restroom.

- Yeah.

- You don't have to ask permission to do that.

- Why, have you not gone since you've been here?

- I have not. 

I feel a bit better now, but this describes well how I behaved during an important part of my life; because of social anxiety. I would have strange moves, say strange things, or refrain from going to the restroom to the point it would become a real emergency, a matter of life and death, just because I was afraid.
Those strange moves, and those strange things, I would have them against my will of course. I was aware of being weird, which would increase my anxiety, which in turn would make me do more weird things. I couldn't help it.

I remember once, my parents and I visited some friends of theirs, that I had never met before. I was probably around 8 years old, and they had a girl a bit older than me. Her parents suggested that she should lead me to the playroom. I said nothing, and felt compelled to follow the girl. Indeed, they had a nice large playroom full of very tempting toys. We stopped at the door-frame, and she asked me what I wanted to play with. I just froze, and said nothing, for long minutes. And more minutes. With time passing, as I was aware of the weirdness of my behaviour, I would feel more and more anxious. She sighed, and leant her shoulder against the door frame. I did the same, and kept waiting. I was hoping that at some point she would give up and just leave me alone. She didn't, and I finally gathered enough courage to move silently towards some toys. She followed me and tried again to talk to me. I never answered. Then the parents called us because the dinner was ready. It was a huge relief to go back to my parents. At the moment she got to her own parent she said that I was "really a moron".

I'm not a moron, I'm just a weirdo, and today I'm fine with this fact.