I was standing right in front of those large city stairs, and it wasn't where I was supposed to be.
I used to meet my psychatrist at his house, but for the first time I was supposed to see him at some clinic. The clinic wasn't at all where I ended up searching for it. I don't know why I imagined it was there. My mind was stuck on this wrong belief, and I already was half an hour late when I finally decided to call the clinic to ask what its location actually was.
That's very embarrassing. In the past, I missed a rendez-vous with this psychiatrist because my mind was stuck on a the false souvenir of a wrong date.
This kind of things happens to me on a regular basis. I need to do something about it, because it's a problem. I regularly imagine things that I become so convinced are real, that I would never question them, until I hit the wall.
I also thought this rendez-vous was scheduled for tomorrow. Fortunately, I had scheduled a reminded in my smartphone a month ago.
Tomorrow, I go to meet my mother's counselor at some bank, in order to discuss the possibility of getting the money to buy my house. As I originally thought my rendez-vous with the psychatrist was scheduled to tomorrow as well, I had requested an afternoon off, hoping to take care of both matters the same day. Now had to request a second afternoon off for tomorrow, to be able to attend the rendez-vous with the counselor. This - for some reason I won't explain, just to avoid making this story even more confusing - is going to force me to cancel the afternoon off I needed to meet another counselor from another bank.
This explanation is messy. Nevermind.
Fuck.
I could easily justify why I am confused. This is the first house I buy, so of course it's a lot of things to manage, legal stuff I'm not accustomed to at all. I also have a lot on my mind at work, plus She is still displaying a passive-aggressive behavior, plus the fact that I'm a bit sick for 3 days, plus the fact one of my guinea pigs has some health issue, ... But it doesn't matter. I should grow strong enough to handle all this. I need to gather my shit and handle all this, like a serious man. I need to get more organized.
Today, I had awkward interactions with the pharmacist, with the psychiatrist's secretary, and my psychiatrist himself. I kind of felt he found me awkward. My own psychiatrist finds me awkward. But what does he expect? I don't see him just because I have too much money and I'm bored. Of course I'm not "well".
He clearly is not a genius. But he rather easily consents to give me the prescriptions I need. I don't really need anything more from him. And I really should start studying some chemistry. Who knows, with enough work I might be able to learn how to synthesize the molecules I need to function properly. I would then still use my legal prescriptions, because it's easier and legal, but knowing my life doesn't depend on the opinion of any stupid doctor anymore.
I don't even know why She is mad at me. Talking to my mother, last Saturday, I mentioned the fact I had a fight with Her, and that we were kind of broken up (I try to pretend it's serious, but I just incremented our counter...). My mother asked me "why" of course. I answered that I didn't even really know anymore. That's no joke. There surely is some kind of "reason". Or maybe she is just a woman that wanted to have an argument over nothing. The usual way women behave with men. I shouldn't worry, but it's still upsetting.
I'm not sure but it had something to do with the fact that I said I wouldn't marry her at the present time... which is easy to understand for any rational person. We only know each-other for three years, and met only once ! If we were actually living together, for four or five years, maybe it would not seem that crazy. I'm trying to do things right, here. I'm buying a house, trying to secure my future, improve my career perspectives, and build a serious relationship with a serious woman.
I love Her, and I miss Her.
I just wish she was a bit more sensible.
I used to meet my psychatrist at his house, but for the first time I was supposed to see him at some clinic. The clinic wasn't at all where I ended up searching for it. I don't know why I imagined it was there. My mind was stuck on this wrong belief, and I already was half an hour late when I finally decided to call the clinic to ask what its location actually was.
That's very embarrassing. In the past, I missed a rendez-vous with this psychiatrist because my mind was stuck on a the false souvenir of a wrong date.
This kind of things happens to me on a regular basis. I need to do something about it, because it's a problem. I regularly imagine things that I become so convinced are real, that I would never question them, until I hit the wall.
I also thought this rendez-vous was scheduled for tomorrow. Fortunately, I had scheduled a reminded in my smartphone a month ago.
Tomorrow, I go to meet my mother's counselor at some bank, in order to discuss the possibility of getting the money to buy my house. As I originally thought my rendez-vous with the psychatrist was scheduled to tomorrow as well, I had requested an afternoon off, hoping to take care of both matters the same day. Now had to request a second afternoon off for tomorrow, to be able to attend the rendez-vous with the counselor. This - for some reason I won't explain, just to avoid making this story even more confusing - is going to force me to cancel the afternoon off I needed to meet another counselor from another bank.
This explanation is messy. Nevermind.
Fuck.
I could easily justify why I am confused. This is the first house I buy, so of course it's a lot of things to manage, legal stuff I'm not accustomed to at all. I also have a lot on my mind at work, plus She is still displaying a passive-aggressive behavior, plus the fact that I'm a bit sick for 3 days, plus the fact one of my guinea pigs has some health issue, ... But it doesn't matter. I should grow strong enough to handle all this. I need to gather my shit and handle all this, like a serious man. I need to get more organized.
Today, I had awkward interactions with the pharmacist, with the psychiatrist's secretary, and my psychiatrist himself. I kind of felt he found me awkward. My own psychiatrist finds me awkward. But what does he expect? I don't see him just because I have too much money and I'm bored. Of course I'm not "well".
He clearly is not a genius. But he rather easily consents to give me the prescriptions I need. I don't really need anything more from him. And I really should start studying some chemistry. Who knows, with enough work I might be able to learn how to synthesize the molecules I need to function properly. I would then still use my legal prescriptions, because it's easier and legal, but knowing my life doesn't depend on the opinion of any stupid doctor anymore.
I don't even know why She is mad at me. Talking to my mother, last Saturday, I mentioned the fact I had a fight with Her, and that we were kind of broken up (I try to pretend it's serious, but I just incremented our counter...). My mother asked me "why" of course. I answered that I didn't even really know anymore. That's no joke. There surely is some kind of "reason". Or maybe she is just a woman that wanted to have an argument over nothing. The usual way women behave with men. I shouldn't worry, but it's still upsetting.
I'm not sure but it had something to do with the fact that I said I wouldn't marry her at the present time... which is easy to understand for any rational person. We only know each-other for three years, and met only once ! If we were actually living together, for four or five years, maybe it would not seem that crazy. I'm trying to do things right, here. I'm buying a house, trying to secure my future, improve my career perspectives, and build a serious relationship with a serious woman.
I love Her, and I miss Her.
I just wish she was a bit more sensible.
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