My colleague tried once again to explain my new asignment to me. I didn't get it. I went to another colleague, twice. He really tried, but I still don't get it. I feel stupid and useless. Everything in life seems complicated. Like She said after we'd been briefly discussing how glass could be made of matter but still let the light goes through : "I don't know, the world is scary". She sobbed. And that comes from a 145 of IQ, high profile working for a top notch IT company. So what can I do with my life? I can only think of all that I failed to study and understand, and I only see more failures for the future.
I can't learn anything anymore. I have to check the same words again and again in the dictionary. My brain is broken.
Everything in this shit life is complicated, and I want to die. I searched the internet which of the pills I have at home could kill me with an overdose. I can't die from a Xanax overdose, and I'd have to eat a bowlful Rilatin to... probably just feel very unconfortable for a while. Even dying is complicated. I could try the hunger strike, but it's going to take ages. Why can't I just call a Kill() procedure on my body. I think my body should simply obey whatever order I give it. I should be able to die like I order my hand to close or stretch.
Maybe that's what I get for trying to stop my antidepressant. Maybe the Ritalin can't completely replace the Ciphralex.
I always found extremely important that I become a father. Like my life could only be a complete failure if I don't even have kids. Today, I changed my mind. I'm not sure I should put new kids in this shit world. I don't care not to leave anything after me anymore. Maybe that's the sign I'm ready for suicide. Until now, when considering suicide, I had always been worried about the embarassing things what people would find in my stuff, and what would they think of me. I have a shit load of hardcore porn movies. They are the reason my backups are so huge. Maybe I don't give a shit anymore. I won't erase anything. I won't clean anything. I'll be dead, and they are going to die too. And the universe eventually is going to die as well. So none of this matters. In a hundred years it's going to be like I was never on earth.
How poorly written is this? I bet it wouldn't be much better if I had written it in my mother tongue. I'm just vomiting words.
I took a small dose of Xanax and another Ritalin. I'm not sure I feel any better so far...
I can't learn anything anymore. I have to check the same words again and again in the dictionary. My brain is broken.
Everything in this shit life is complicated, and I want to die. I searched the internet which of the pills I have at home could kill me with an overdose. I can't die from a Xanax overdose, and I'd have to eat a bowlful Rilatin to... probably just feel very unconfortable for a while. Even dying is complicated. I could try the hunger strike, but it's going to take ages. Why can't I just call a Kill() procedure on my body. I think my body should simply obey whatever order I give it. I should be able to die like I order my hand to close or stretch.
Maybe that's what I get for trying to stop my antidepressant. Maybe the Ritalin can't completely replace the Ciphralex.
I always found extremely important that I become a father. Like my life could only be a complete failure if I don't even have kids. Today, I changed my mind. I'm not sure I should put new kids in this shit world. I don't care not to leave anything after me anymore. Maybe that's the sign I'm ready for suicide. Until now, when considering suicide, I had always been worried about the embarassing things what people would find in my stuff, and what would they think of me. I have a shit load of hardcore porn movies. They are the reason my backups are so huge. Maybe I don't give a shit anymore. I won't erase anything. I won't clean anything. I'll be dead, and they are going to die too. And the universe eventually is going to die as well. So none of this matters. In a hundred years it's going to be like I was never on earth.
How poorly written is this? I bet it wouldn't be much better if I had written it in my mother tongue. I'm just vomiting words.
I took a small dose of Xanax and another Ritalin. I'm not sure I feel any better so far...
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