So, this web log could fill three purposes. The initial one was to be a feed for Her, a log that would be independent from Skype. The second purpose could be to work on my English writing skills. And the third one would simply be a log of my mood. My psychiatrist requested that I start again logging how bad I feel three times a day. He gave me a grid where I write marks, out of ten. He used the word "cyclothymia", the one I had on the edge of my lips for such a long time. But he hinted towards this possibility on his own. But, more generally, I don't like providing answers without justifications. I'll write justifications here.
Yesterday's morning was a 7 out of 10. I was thrilled by the idea I could pass a CPE. The beginning of the afternoon was wonderful. For an hour, I felt this lightness of being I can only remember feeling once before, like 3 or 4 months ago. Everything seemed fine, life was light. I felt "inner peace". I don't remember a day when I was not anxious. At least not before this experience 3 or 4 months ago. But it wasn't a whole day, just a short afternoon. Since then, I've been seeking this feeling, like a drug addict seeks the beauty of his first shot. I felt it yesterday, during an hour. It wasn't as pure as the first time, and anxiety quickly caught up with me. I felt I didn't work much in the morning, that my boss would end up really wondering what I was doing for the last two weeks...
The evening was a 5 out of 10. I felt tired and hungry.
I like when things organize themselves into multi-purposes solutions. It reduces my anxiety.
Yesterday's morning was a 7 out of 10. I was thrilled by the idea I could pass a CPE. The beginning of the afternoon was wonderful. For an hour, I felt this lightness of being I can only remember feeling once before, like 3 or 4 months ago. Everything seemed fine, life was light. I felt "inner peace". I don't remember a day when I was not anxious. At least not before this experience 3 or 4 months ago. But it wasn't a whole day, just a short afternoon. Since then, I've been seeking this feeling, like a drug addict seeks the beauty of his first shot. I felt it yesterday, during an hour. It wasn't as pure as the first time, and anxiety quickly caught up with me. I felt I didn't work much in the morning, that my boss would end up really wondering what I was doing for the last two weeks...
The evening was a 5 out of 10. I felt tired and hungry.
I like when things organize themselves into multi-purposes solutions. It reduces my anxiety.
No comments:
Post a Comment